(no subject)
dark_eye_dreams
no one ever reads my shit anymore... so im not going to be
posting as often, including my music of the day.
fuckit

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck .
dark_eye_dreams
Bascially, things have been pretty heated with my living situation; but not on the surface....
see the thing is, i live with my mom and my father is an alcoholic. but i think that with someone
living him with him, he will do better with the drinking thing, because he behaves better
when he has purpose and things to do. i try sometimes to relate his drinknig to my eating
disorder, and in a way, they are similar; when i am occupied and busy, i do not binge.
When he has responsiblity (me), he will not drink obsessivly. and i know he's getting
older, but i do not think that his final years should be so miserable, i think that they should be
enjoyed, and the rest of my highschool/college years should be the same way, especially
with him since i really do not see him that often, but im not bringing this topic up to my
family until i get back from my mini trip with him

im still torn :/

whoami? Pictures, Images and Photos

(no subject)
dark_eye_dreams
To come clean, i do have a self diagnosed eating disorder, and
i have been struggling for about two years after something trag-
ic. and tonight, i really noticed how much it runs my life, and
how much it HAS been running my life. tonight i really noticed
the severity of it, nearly all of my actions are baised around
anorexia, and bulemia. and it needs to STOP! i've tried so many
times and i always,sooner or later come back to all this, but i am
more than determined this time to keep with it. I am even going to
change my profile picture. i really can not let these disorders rule
my life anymore, i NEED to be happy and healthy. <3


The Truth Pictures, Images and Photos

that is all truth ^. it really hurts me when i hear people talk about
how anorexic people are only not eating because it is a cry for
attention, NO! it really is a brain disorder, either premeditated
or come about by certain things, like me. and idk i really know
the ins and out and the ugly of it, but im here to recover, i know
it will not be easy, but like i said, i am MORE than determined.

Music Of the Day (Day Six)
dark_eye_dreams
OMG yesterday was soooo busy, i forgot to post a song, but
i have a really good one for today to make up for it! :D

Sleepyhead- Passion Pit



Music Of the Day (Day Five)
dark_eye_dreams
I wanted it to be Pillow Talk by Kids in Glass Castles

butttt hey.. this works too!

In-N-Out(animal style-We The Kings


Music Of the Day (Day Four)
dark_eye_dreams
I just love this song, it makes me so happy by wanting to dance.
and i really love winter, so it all works out! :D

Tip Of the Iceberg- Owl City




Music Of the Day (Day Three)
dark_eye_dreams
This song speaks wonders for itself.

have a great day

Carry On- Valencia


Life.....
dark_eye_dreams
is great.



Life Pictures, Images and Photos

...Is This How it Goes?
dark_eye_dreams
I have a whole lot on my mind.
today i was sitting downstairs while studying for a few tests that i have tomorrow
and i started thinking about my grades and how no matter how hard i try i can not
get an A in chem or Pre calc, then i grabbed my calculator and started punching
some numbers in and realized that, unless i basically get a 100 for both my mark-
ing period grade and my final grade, i can not get an A in chemistry because of the
way the grades are figured out-- i have a little more of a shot with pre calc than i do
with chem. and this really started to bother me, because before i know i am going
to start apply for colleges and i just hate that when i send in my transcripts, my sc-
ience and math this year will no be A's and math and science are supposed to be
my strongest aspects.
then i started having a panic attacks telling myself that i was not going to get into
a good school, and then eventually go to Med School and become a Doctor. but then,
i realized, that getting into college is not all about grades. i mean-- Do NOT get me
wrong, grades are improtant, but i have pretty good grades, i do get on the honor
roll, but i also am a very well rounded student. and i also have college transcripts
from the near by community college and a highly credited school, UMDNJ, (hopefully)
i still need to take the final, but i am going to study my ass off for it. but anyway, i also
do a lot of really good volunteer things. and i went to a really great medical camp
over the summer at the university of Maryland. so i mean, even though my grades
are only high B's or low A's and a few high A's, i am really hoping that my diversity
and passion are enough to get me into a really good school where i am going to
study my ass off even harder and then go to medical school and presue my goal--
to become a doctor.

ahh this is all so stressful and overwhelming, and in my eyes, since becoming
a doctor is such a long and difficult process, it is bascially a "one-shot" deal.
so i really want it to happen. it is something i have an indescribable passion
for.

sometimes i just physc myself out, but then other times, i really do not think
that i will be able to achieve such high goals, but i guess that that is a common
fear and thought. but i just keep thinkiing that if i keep my passion, drive, desire
and considerably good grades, that one day, i will do what i love and want to do.

but then again, if things to do not work out, i just need to remember, that everything
happens for a reason, and my life will take me where ever i need to go.

(i didn't spell check and i do not feel like doing it either haha, so sorry if there are mistakes)

life Pictures, Images and Photos

Music Of the Day (Day Two)
dark_eye_dreams
i dont really know what it is about this song, but i love how it takes something like a tradegy
and it makes its into something fun (the plane crashing but the man saying that it is a birth-
day party) i took it as, make the best of every situation.


Bright Eyes- At the Bottom of Everything



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