(no subject)
no one ever reads my shit anymore... so im not going to be
posting as often, including my music of the day.

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck .
Bascially, things have been pretty heated with my living situation; but not on the surface....
see the thing is, i live with my mom and my father is an alcoholic. but i think that with someone
living him with him, he will do better with the drinking thing, because he behaves better
when he has purpose and things to do. i try sometimes to relate his drinknig to my eating
disorder, and in a way, they are similar; when i am occupied and busy, i do not binge.
When he has responsiblity (me), he will not drink obsessivly. and i know he's getting
older, but i do not think that his final years should be so miserable, i think that they should be
enjoyed, and the rest of my highschool/college years should be the same way, especially
with him since i really do not see him that often, but im not bringing this topic up to my
family until i get back from my mini trip with him

im still torn :/

whoami? Pictures, Images and Photos

(no subject)
To come clean, i do have a self diagnosed eating disorder, and
i have been struggling for about two years after something trag-
ic. and tonight, i really noticed how much it runs my life, and
how much it HAS been running my life. tonight i really noticed
the severity of it, nearly all of my actions are baised around
anorexia, and bulemia. and it needs to STOP! i've tried so many
times and i always,sooner or later come back to all this, but i am
more than determined this time to keep with it. I am even going to
change my profile picture. i really can not let these disorders rule
my life anymore, i NEED to be happy and healthy. <3

The Truth Pictures, Images and Photos

that is all truth ^. it really hurts me when i hear people talk about
how anorexic people are only not eating because it is a cry for
attention, NO! it really is a brain disorder, either premeditated
or come about by certain things, like me. and idk i really know
the ins and out and the ugly of it, but im here to recover, i know
it will not be easy, but like i said, i am MORE than determined.

Music Of the Day (Day Six)
OMG yesterday was soooo busy, i forgot to post a song, but
i have a really good one for today to make up for it! :D

Sleepyhead- Passion Pit

Music Of the Day (Day Five)
I wanted it to be Pillow Talk by Kids in Glass Castles

butttt hey.. this works too!

In-N-Out(animal style-We The Kings

Music Of the Day (Day Four)
I just love this song, it makes me so happy by wanting to dance.
and i really love winter, so it all works out! :D

Tip Of the Iceberg- Owl City

Music Of the Day (Day Three)
This song speaks wonders for itself.

have a great day

Carry On- Valencia

is great.

Life Pictures, Images and Photos

...Is This How it Goes?
I have a whole lot on my mind.
today i was sitting downstairs while studying for a few tests that i have tomorrow
and i started thinking about my grades and how no matter how hard i try i can not
get an A in chem or Pre calc, then i grabbed my calculator and started punching
some numbers in and realized that, unless i basically get a 100 for both my mark-
ing period grade and my final grade, i can not get an A in chemistry because of the
way the grades are figured out-- i have a little more of a shot with pre calc than i do
with chem. and this really started to bother me, because before i know i am going
to start apply for colleges and i just hate that when i send in my transcripts, my sc-
ience and math this year will no be A's and math and science are supposed to be
my strongest aspects.
then i started having a panic attacks telling myself that i was not going to get into
a good school, and then eventually go to Med School and become a Doctor. but then,
i realized, that getting into college is not all about grades. i mean-- Do NOT get me
wrong, grades are improtant, but i have pretty good grades, i do get on the honor
roll, but i also am a very well rounded student. and i also have college transcripts
from the near by community college and a highly credited school, UMDNJ, (hopefully)
i still need to take the final, but i am going to study my ass off for it. but anyway, i also
do a lot of really good volunteer things. and i went to a really great medical camp
over the summer at the university of Maryland. so i mean, even though my grades
are only high B's or low A's and a few high A's, i am really hoping that my diversity
and passion are enough to get me into a really good school where i am going to
study my ass off even harder and then go to medical school and presue my goal--
to become a doctor.

ahh this is all so stressful and overwhelming, and in my eyes, since becoming
a doctor is such a long and difficult process, it is bascially a "one-shot" deal.
so i really want it to happen. it is something i have an indescribable passion

sometimes i just physc myself out, but then other times, i really do not think
that i will be able to achieve such high goals, but i guess that that is a common
fear and thought. but i just keep thinkiing that if i keep my passion, drive, desire
and considerably good grades, that one day, i will do what i love and want to do.

but then again, if things to do not work out, i just need to remember, that everything
happens for a reason, and my life will take me where ever i need to go.

(i didn't spell check and i do not feel like doing it either haha, so sorry if there are mistakes)

life Pictures, Images and Photos

Music Of the Day (Day Two)
i dont really know what it is about this song, but i love how it takes something like a tradegy
and it makes its into something fun (the plane crashing but the man saying that it is a birth-
day party) i took it as, make the best of every situation.

Bright Eyes- At the Bottom of Everything


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