I have a whole lot on my mind.
today i was sitting downstairs while studying for a few tests that i have tomorrow
and i started thinking about my grades and how no matter how hard i try i can not
get an A in chem or Pre calc, then i grabbed my calculator and started punching
some numbers in and realized that, unless i basically get a 100 for both my mark-
ing period grade and my final grade, i can not get an A in chemistry because of the
way the grades are figured out-- i have a little more of a shot with pre calc than i do
with chem. and this really started to bother me, because before i know i am going
to start apply for colleges and i just hate that when i send in my transcripts, my sc-
ience and math this year will no be A's and math and science are supposed to be
my strongest aspects.
then i started having a panic attacks telling myself that i was not going to get into
a good school, and then eventually go to Med School and become a Doctor. but then,
i realized, that getting into college is not all about grades. i mean-- Do NOT get me
wrong, grades are improtant, but i have pretty good grades, i do get on the honor
roll, but i also am a very well rounded student. and i also have college transcripts
from the near by community college and a highly credited school, UMDNJ, (hopefully)
i still need to take the final, but i am going to study my ass off for it. but anyway, i also
do a lot of really good volunteer things. and i went to a really great medical camp
over the summer at the university of Maryland. so i mean, even though my grades
are only high B's or low A's and a few high A's, i am really hoping that my diversity
and passion are enough to get me into a really good school where i am going to
study my ass off even harder and then go to medical school and presue my goal--
to become a doctor.
ahh this is all so stressful and overwhelming, and in my eyes, since becoming
a doctor is such a long and difficult process, it is bascially a "one-shot" deal.
so i really want it to happen. it is something i have an indescribable passion
sometimes i just physc myself out, but then other times, i really do not think
that i will be able to achieve such high goals, but i guess that that is a common
fear and thought. but i just keep thinkiing that if i keep my passion, drive, desire
and considerably good grades, that one day, i will do what i love and want to do.
but then again, if things to do not work out, i just need to remember, that everything
happens for a reason, and my life will take me where ever i need to go.
(i didn't spell check and i do not feel like doing it either haha, so sorry if there are mistakes)